Looking back, looking forward

As I sit here in one of my favorite coffee shops outside San Francisco, I am finally getting the time to reflect. The past couple days since I arrived back on American soil have been intense; I have been on an emotional roller coaster with all the culture differences, not to mention that I haven't really slept.

As I look back on the past four months of my life I remember the first month was the most intense month. It was overwhelming to show up in a huge foreign city with very little plan and hope to settle quickly.  It was a daily struggle to search for a place to call home, learn the language/culture, deal with the emotions of missing home and to enjoy the moment. It was definitely one of the toughest months of my life.

As life started to unfold itself, it felt out of control yet exhilarating. Determining my steps was changing daily. I had no idea what direction to step in, but by the grace of God, plans started to fall into place. Emotions were high and Jenn definitely didnt see the most beautiful parts of me, but in hindsight, the challenges of moving to another country and culture with one of your best friends forced me to see really hard things about myself and catapulted me to personal growth in ways that I never expected. There were parts of myself I never wanted to acknowledge and was forced to.

As I went to Vietnam and Cambodia, I had very little expectation and was allowed to truly enjoy the outcome. It was one of the funnest months of my life and such a unique/defining opportunity. I can also describe my trip to Bali as life changing. After months of pressing myself to face reality, it all culminated in Bali. My questions of myself were answered and I feel as if I was given a new hope for the future. Clarity at its finest.

As I look forward, I am excited about the potential. I want to embrace life and myself in a different way. I want to feel more. I want to express more. I am walking towards it; I want to be more of me.

My time in South East Asia has changed me in many ways, many of which are so subtle that I may only realize them years from now. Home and safety has a new meaning. Im grateful for the people who have inspired me, hoped for me, allowed me to just 'be' and continue to love me. Thank you.

Phi Phi island one more time

Phi Phi island has been so good to me. Heather and I rented out the cutest little bungalow that was seconds from the beach front and found ourselves making friends with two sets of Swedish neighbors. It turns out that tons of Swedish people travel to Thailand, specifically Phi Phi island for some reason, during this time of year because its pretty dark and cold in Sweden right now. We had a ton of fun with the boys (yes, they were all boys; the ratio on the island of boys to girls was awesome for us). We spent most of our time with the guys chatting about the differences in our lives, our cultures, politics and so on. They say that their view of Americans has changed because of us in a good way, which we are very proud of! We ended hanging out with them almost every day, having fun each night and ended up also not sleeping during "normal" hours. Beach life is a very different life!


One of the days on the island, we rented a long tail boat with our new found friends and went to go snorkel/watch the sunset from the water. We went to an island called Bamboo Island and just relaxed for a couple hours. It was one of the most beautiful, uninhabited places I had ever been. The water was 5 shades of blue, the waves lightly crashing, the sand was white and the sun was hitting the rocks perfectly as I walked around to bask in the beauty. This day was also the 3rd anniversary of my dad's death so it was very special for me to be able to honor this day in such a peaceful, unique way.

One of my favorite parts of my trip has been the languages, the cultures and the many things I have learned from others around the world.  I imagine that it is going to be quite strange for me to hear so much clear English for the first couple weeks when I get home because I am so used to hearing different languages all around me and at all times. I love being in a part of the world where so many cultures and languages collide. It makes me realize how little I know and inspires me to learn more.

As we are back in in Bangkok to do some site seeing and shopping, my time is dwindling. We are headed to the Banyan Tree hotel tonight to enjoy a drink on top of the 61st floor of the hotel. It supposedly has an incredible rooftop view over Bangkok as you enjoy dinner and drinks. As I prepare to leave in a day my heart is sad that this time of my life has come to an end, but way more excited to be home and see what the future holds!

Its a beautiful life

I wrote this blog on Dec. 5 but didnt have internet available until today to post this:


As my final week approaches in south east asia, Heather has come to visit me. Its been awesome to culminate my trip with my best friend. I thought it would be really fun to take her back to the phi phi islands, which I feel in love with a month ago when Erin was visiting. They are so incredibly beautiful and fun.

We have had some really awesome conversations so far that have really helped me to realize some things that have been stirring in my brain and heart over the last 4 months. The questions and reasons why I came to Thailand are being answered in awesome ways. When clarity comes, it is refreshing, life-giving and hopeful. I have to take some big steps in the next year to challenge myself and walk in a new, free and loving direction. It is scary but hopeful.

I have had some intensely hard and lonely moments during my time in south east Asia, but those times have allowed me to ask myself the hard questions. I feel like through the hard moments, my trip has become that much more beautiful. Who in the world gets the chance and opportunity to do what I have done?! I feel so grateful and fortunate.

I am healthy, peaceful and so loved. Life is serene in this time and place.