Looking back, looking forward

As I sit here in one of my favorite coffee shops outside San Francisco, I am finally getting the time to reflect. The past couple days since I arrived back on American soil have been intense; I have been on an emotional roller coaster with all the culture differences, not to mention that I haven't really slept.

As I look back on the past four months of my life I remember the first month was the most intense month. It was overwhelming to show up in a huge foreign city with very little plan and hope to settle quickly.  It was a daily struggle to search for a place to call home, learn the language/culture, deal with the emotions of missing home and to enjoy the moment. It was definitely one of the toughest months of my life.

As life started to unfold itself, it felt out of control yet exhilarating. Determining my steps was changing daily. I had no idea what direction to step in, but by the grace of God, plans started to fall into place. Emotions were high and Jenn definitely didnt see the most beautiful parts of me, but in hindsight, the challenges of moving to another country and culture with one of your best friends forced me to see really hard things about myself and catapulted me to personal growth in ways that I never expected. There were parts of myself I never wanted to acknowledge and was forced to.

As I went to Vietnam and Cambodia, I had very little expectation and was allowed to truly enjoy the outcome. It was one of the funnest months of my life and such a unique/defining opportunity. I can also describe my trip to Bali as life changing. After months of pressing myself to face reality, it all culminated in Bali. My questions of myself were answered and I feel as if I was given a new hope for the future. Clarity at its finest.

As I look forward, I am excited about the potential. I want to embrace life and myself in a different way. I want to feel more. I want to express more. I am walking towards it; I want to be more of me.

My time in South East Asia has changed me in many ways, many of which are so subtle that I may only realize them years from now. Home and safety has a new meaning. Im grateful for the people who have inspired me, hoped for me, allowed me to just 'be' and continue to love me. Thank you.

Phi Phi island one more time

Phi Phi island has been so good to me. Heather and I rented out the cutest little bungalow that was seconds from the beach front and found ourselves making friends with two sets of Swedish neighbors. It turns out that tons of Swedish people travel to Thailand, specifically Phi Phi island for some reason, during this time of year because its pretty dark and cold in Sweden right now. We had a ton of fun with the boys (yes, they were all boys; the ratio on the island of boys to girls was awesome for us). We spent most of our time with the guys chatting about the differences in our lives, our cultures, politics and so on. They say that their view of Americans has changed because of us in a good way, which we are very proud of! We ended hanging out with them almost every day, having fun each night and ended up also not sleeping during "normal" hours. Beach life is a very different life!


One of the days on the island, we rented a long tail boat with our new found friends and went to go snorkel/watch the sunset from the water. We went to an island called Bamboo Island and just relaxed for a couple hours. It was one of the most beautiful, uninhabited places I had ever been. The water was 5 shades of blue, the waves lightly crashing, the sand was white and the sun was hitting the rocks perfectly as I walked around to bask in the beauty. This day was also the 3rd anniversary of my dad's death so it was very special for me to be able to honor this day in such a peaceful, unique way.

One of my favorite parts of my trip has been the languages, the cultures and the many things I have learned from others around the world.  I imagine that it is going to be quite strange for me to hear so much clear English for the first couple weeks when I get home because I am so used to hearing different languages all around me and at all times. I love being in a part of the world where so many cultures and languages collide. It makes me realize how little I know and inspires me to learn more.

As we are back in in Bangkok to do some site seeing and shopping, my time is dwindling. We are headed to the Banyan Tree hotel tonight to enjoy a drink on top of the 61st floor of the hotel. It supposedly has an incredible rooftop view over Bangkok as you enjoy dinner and drinks. As I prepare to leave in a day my heart is sad that this time of my life has come to an end, but way more excited to be home and see what the future holds!

Its a beautiful life

I wrote this blog on Dec. 5 but didnt have internet available until today to post this:


As my final week approaches in south east asia, Heather has come to visit me. Its been awesome to culminate my trip with my best friend. I thought it would be really fun to take her back to the phi phi islands, which I feel in love with a month ago when Erin was visiting. They are so incredibly beautiful and fun.

We have had some really awesome conversations so far that have really helped me to realize some things that have been stirring in my brain and heart over the last 4 months. The questions and reasons why I came to Thailand are being answered in awesome ways. When clarity comes, it is refreshing, life-giving and hopeful. I have to take some big steps in the next year to challenge myself and walk in a new, free and loving direction. It is scary but hopeful.

I have had some intensely hard and lonely moments during my time in south east Asia, but those times have allowed me to ask myself the hard questions. I feel like through the hard moments, my trip has become that much more beautiful. Who in the world gets the chance and opportunity to do what I have done?! I feel so grateful and fortunate.

I am healthy, peaceful and so loved. Life is serene in this time and place.

Seminyak, Bali

I just spent the last two days learning how to surf. Bali has some of the best surfing, for all levels. The weather here is just perfect for surfing as well. Surfing was hard, tiring and fun! I had a great time attempting to be flexible, strong and energetic!  I'm actually really satisfied with my performance, considering it was my first time.  To be any good at it would definitely take alot of practice though!

Bali is diverse, energetic and dynamic. The Balinese/Indonesian people are so rich in culture; its beautiful to watch their lives and how deeply rooted they are. It sounds weird, but they are so connected; with themselves, eachother and nature. Just watching them you can tell there is something different about these people. When I took my first surfing lesson, the instructors were showing us how to lift yourself and stand on the board. If you are not flexible (like me!) than it becomes a problematic task to bend your knees and keep both feet planted on the ground. They moved with such ease into these positions and when I was telling them later about taking a week of yoga, they said "can you teach us yoga?! come back and teach us yoga!!" I found it so funny becuase they were already way conscious of yoga than me simply by growing up here,in Bali!!!!

As I leave Bali and head back to Bangkok, I am thankful for an incredible experience. My time here has been exactly what I was hoping for; I have pushed myself to try new things, been refreshed, rejuvenated and set free in some ways too. I want to come back. This is one of the few places along the way that has drawn me in a special way.  All the places have been unique and beautiful in their own way but Bali has more to offer me.

On to my next adventure....Heather is coming!!!!! yyyyyyyaaaaaaayyyyy!

craniosacral therapy in Ubud, Bali

One of the teachers at the yoga studio I have been going to for the last week does craniosacral therapy as well. I have always wanted to do craniosacral therapy and see what happens. According to definition, 'craniosacral therapy is an alternative session involving the therapist placing their hands on the patient, which they say allows them to tune into what they call the craniosacral system'. In my terms, its an energy flowing session; it allows energy to flow and be released according to the bodies needs. Going into the session I figured it could be either a bunch of crap or a cool experience.


So, in the session, I laid on her table for 2 hours while she "worked" on my body.  It was invigorating, stimulating and so fascinating.  I felt this electricity run through my body that Ive never really paid attention to and really enjoyed my time. It was deeply relaxing.  After the session, Cat (the therapist) gave me a debriefing and said that my body is really sensitive and responds really well to this kind of work.  I was in a different, peaceful state of mind for the next couple days. 


I also wanted to come to Bali to give yoga a fair shot.  I have heard all the beneficial side effects of yoga and have not given yoga the time to be something transforming in my life.  So I wanted to immerse myself in yoga for a week and see what happened. I did yoga atleast once a day for 6 days, sometimes several times a day.  It was hard to not give up (because I am not flexible at all!) but the results are awesome.  After just one week, I feel like a lighter, relaxed, energized new person!


The point of me writing all this is to summarize my time in Ubud.....I came to a unique place in my journey.  Up to this point in my life, I have known I was sensitive and have become more aware as time passes at my strong efforts to avoid this fact. I have avoided dealing with my body or being connected to my body for a long time.  This has also become apparent to me in Bangkok with all my food issues. My week in Ubud, Bali was healing, satisfying and freeing.  I am eager to continue my journey in wholeness...


I am now in Kuta/Seminyak, Bali.  I have several surfing lessons over the next couple days and a great hotel so I'm excited to relax, enjoy and BE.

Bali, first couple days

I got to Bali a couple days ago and went straight to Ubud to start my yoga/detox/alone time. Ubud is this artsy, healthy community on the inland of Bali. So, Im not next to the beach (that comes in a couple days!). Alot of the natives here speak English really well because this is such a commercialized area of Bali, in alot of ways.  Its the place to find yoga, health food, spas, spiritual guidance...you name it in the arena of new age!!!

I came here through balispirit.com and they set up all my accommodation, spa treatments and yoga classes. The place I've been taking yoga classes offers classes basically all day long so you can come whenever you want. I told myself that I would give yoga a fair shot; that I would really attempt it and take it in.  Its been two full days now of yoga, and Im having my doubts that I will ever be a 'yogi.' Im just not flexible and alot of yoga is painful for me.  I don't know what happened to all those years of dance and gymnastics, but I no longer have any flexibility to me. Its been a bit frustrating and quite embarrassing to say the least, but also enlightening as I find parts of myself that need to be released.  What do I mean by that?!  Well, I have noticed alot of stored emotion in the last couple days and as I find myself in certain positions during yoga, I just start crying. Interesting...

On the other hand, I have had several spa treatments here and they are to die for!! The U.S. has no idea what its doing when it comes to spa treatments, come to find out. And its SO much cheaper!!  They actually pamper you, touch you and know how to work with your body.  Today I got a spa treatment called the Ayurvedic. As you walk into the treatment rooms, it has a table, a shower and a tub overlooking rice paddies with the windows open. In Bali, you get completely naked and they massage you pretty much everywhere. Its not like the states in that sense, you must be very comfortable being naked. You lay on your stomach first for an hour, than your back and then you sit while they massage you once more.  The fun part about my treatment today was that it focused on my chakras. So, the massage oil was put on my chakras first and then I was massaged according to these seven energy points in my body. Then you get a warm oil slowly dripped on your 'third eye' in between your eyebrows. The Indian yogis call this shirdara and it restores calm and vital balance to the mind and nervous system. It is supposed to enhance self awareness. After the massage, I was scrubbed down and then sat in a tub filled with water and flowers to relax while overlooking rice paddies and lush greenery!(and while drinking fresh juice.)  They end the treatment with a shampoo.  It was 4 hours of heaven...

The people here are so fascinating too.  It attracts alot of spiritual people.  I was sitting in the coffee shop yesterday and this girl sat next to me and started asking me about my kindle (my electronic book). We started talking and she started telling me her story; shes from California and travels quite a bit with her 'partner' (its a man) and teaches tantra. For those of you that dont know what tantra is, its basically sexual healing/energy/some would say yoga; living out of your sexual being. She told me alot about it and it was so funny to notice that while she was talking to me, she was also very comfortable touching herself in those 'private' areas. I was simply speechless trying to take it all in...

I'm really grateful to be around people that understand health food. Bangkok does not have any clue what health food is, so its been refreshing to eat what I normally eat at home and feel healthier.

We will see what the next couple days brings, it should be interesting, challenging and enlightening!!!

Hong Kong-ing it up

I just arrived back to Bangkok from Hong Kong this afternoon.  Im leaving in the morning for Bali. Talk about living out of a suitcase...

I absolutely fell in love with Hong Kong. Its a place I have always wanted to visit and when I found out that my friend Sarah was studying abroad there, I basically made her say it was ok for me to visit!!! Haha! We had a great time together.  She had class all of the days I was there, so we spent the evenings together and I spent the days in the city.

I think one of my favorite things about Hong Kong was the food. Sarah enjoys food like I do, so it was awesome to share meals and go to our favorite cuisines. The first night I was there, we went across the harbor to watch the light show in Hong Kong and then found an amazing Italian restaurant overlooking the water. (For those of you that dont know about Hong Kong, they have a light show every night with music and the buildings. There are lights on the buildings and lasers and you watch it from across the harbor.  It's a Hong Kong novelty!) At the Italian restaurant we went to, we had the most amazing wine and cheese appetizer. I never realized how much I take good wine for granted.  Thailand doesn't believe in wine and it has been depressing to not find any here, without paying quite a bit of money for it. Sarah and I also enjoyed Malaysian, Vietnamese food and Dim Sum.

In Hong Kong, wednesdays and thursdays are ladies night. So on Wednesday night we went out to enjoy the free beverages and dancing.  Long story short, we found ourselves heading home at 7:30 in the morning and were hungry so stopped for Dim Sum.  It was such a neat experience because we were hanging with all the locals as they had breakfast. We ate a ton of food and only paid $14 between the 3 of us. Its ridiculously cheap!  That is literally the 2nd time I have ever stayed out dancing that long (the other time was in Prague) and Dim Sum was perfect for breakfast! Now my body will just be screwed up for a couple days...

Hong Kong was cold while I was there (about 65 degrees). All the residents were dressed in parkas and were freezing.  They dont have heaters in Hong Kong, so it was very interesting that the buildings just all get cold when its cold outside. I was actually freezing!!  I guess that means my body has acclimatized to Bangkok weather, but it was so nice to get out the humidity and heat of Bangkok.  Im so tired of sweating all the time!

Now off to Bali to yoga, spend some time in the mountains, see volcanos and surf!!!